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| So if I am fasting all things internet until further notice, excluding what I need for school work, is this considered breaking the fast? I don't think it should be. Pretty much I am just writing this so I don't sign into myspace or facebook, because those are the two things I am mostly fasting from. You may be asking yourself at this point, "if Abby is fasting, why doesn't she do what you're supposed to do when you fast, read the Bible and pray during the times she would be doing something else?" well, let me tell something to you: I am at school and don't have class for another half hourish, I do not have my Bible with me, therefor, I cannot read what I do not have....oh! I did just think of how I'm AM in a library, and there is bound to be a Bible around here somewhere, and I AM on the computer and there's about a bazillion Bible web sites. I'm genius I tell ya. I've been lacking deep thoughts lately. I don't know what's happend to me. I mean, I do have deep thoughts, just not ones that I can really put down into words. Sometimes I think that I like to think I am deeper than I really am. Tonight is going to be awesomesauce (I hope). I'm going to help at Oasis Ministries in the ghettoooooo of St. Louis. They tutor, play with and minister to kids who come from war torn countries, some of whom barely speak English, are orphaned and have seen horrible things that I could never even handle as an "adult". My sister Tia and some friends have been going for a few months, but I always have to work so I havn't been able to make it. But I have tonight off so I am going! I'm pretty excited because I always say I want to be able to help kids who have been through horrible things, but I never actually have. Dude, Emily just popped up behind me and was like "HIIII!" right in my ear. At least it wasn't "Howard". ha ha | | |
| Here is my usual almost the end of the semester blog: Man, I am almost sad this semester is going to be over soon. It was one of the most stressful, most demanding and time consuming ones yet, but I made some new friends, and I'm going to miss them. I mean, at least Kyle I think we'll still talk. Adam, mmm...not so much don't really know. As for the Bio group, I'll miss having them in class and complaining about how lame it is. I cannot believe how fast this semester went! Last semester I wanted it to get done with so badly because of the whole me and Andrew situation being messed up, but it kept dragging on. but now that I almost enjoy a couple classes, thanks to the people, it's gone fast. It's sorta weird, I always have at least one class that I don't make any friends in or really talk to anyone in it. and then other classes i meet all sorts of people and make new friends. I don't know why it goes that way. but it just does. i do enjoy the social part of school. the actual school work, not so much. if i didn't have to wake up at dumb hours of the day, think so hard and do homework, I'd probably go to school for another 10 years. or not. | | |
| You wanna know what I hate? Do ya really? Well, I'm going to tell you anyways. I hate when I'm at school on a computer and there are computers all around me not being used and someone comes over, plops thereself right next to me and procedes to type loudly or makes those weird sorta silent nasaly laughes at whatever they are looking at. Umm....do you not see the computer 9 feet away that is not in use? Use that one weirdo. And while you're at it, wear deoderant and less Tag body spray(cause that stuff smells like butt) or Victoria's Secret "Get Your Sexy On", or whatever it's called. But that's not even the worse of it. What bothers me more is when I go into an empty (or nearly empty) public bathroom, and someone goes into the stall right next to me, when there are plenty others available. Seriously, do you need to sit less than three feet away from me and make bodily noises? No, just NO. It's sorta weird to think about how close you are to someone in a bathroom stall. I don't even stand that close to MOST people when I talk to them, much less when trying to do my bussiness. It's so weird. So this guy next to me has this list on a paper right next to me, and it says "Kill Bill 1, Gone With The Wind, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind." How diverse.... I wish that guy in math class would freaking pull up his pants when he sits down. I mena, he isn't like gross, repulsive ugly or anything, and not like hairy and obese, but I don't care to see his boxer wedgie every day. I feel like going over there and pulling his pants up so high he chokes on his under-roos. Not that I want to actually touch his pants. eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww Another thing, it bothers me when I look at someone, and at the same moment they look at me. Unless it's an uber-attractive male person. Then I don't mind so much. Unless I have something abnormal on my face that is. Well, that's just a few radom thoughts for today... Update: that movie guy just flipped over the paper, and now it says "Sleepless in Seatle, and Amellie." Uber-freak | | |
| Slightly less upset at the moment. Probably cause I am too tired to care and my feet hurt. Goodness: I'm going to have some foodage with my pal Hannah tomorrow. I miss her face like a fat kid misses cake. More goodness: I am hopefully going to Displace Me in Kansas City Saturday. Even if it gets me fired from the 'Greens. I don't need a job...pppshhh.... So I'm giving up facebook and myspace until I am done with school for the semester. At least, I am trying to. I have checked it a few times at school when I had a break and nothing to do. But I havn't spent tons of time on and not constantly checking it like I was. This is good. Goodness abounds. Lets keep it that way. Sometimes I wonder why God doesn't answer my prayers. Then I realize, I never really prayed for whatever it was. In the back of my mind I think "God, help me out with this," but often times I don't do real hardxcore praying for it. But this time, this time I am going to. I cannot stand to have the same situations go down in my life. I won't lose another friends because I am jealous, silly, insecure, immature, emotionaly unstable, etc. I need to work on my life, and I can only do that when I have God's help, and I can only have God's help when I ask for it....well, not ONLY when I ask for it, but ya know, I have to ask for it. yeah okay. My goals and vision for myself/my life has been obscurred (i think that's the right word) by silly things lately. Work, school, boys, crappy life situations. I can't believe my fire died so fast. It's like I had this huge bonfire, and a little weiner dog came over and peed on it, and it put the whole thing out. That is lame. lame to the core. I'm going to burn my fire brighter, and roast that little weiner over it. That is what I am going to do. BE INSPIRED | | |
| Dear God, You just think your so effing hilarious don't you? You just thought it would be the greatest fun to put me through the exact same thing that happened almost exactly two years ago, don'tcha? All I want to know is, WHY?! Why now? I was doing fine with my self-esteem. Finally feeling like I am okay and worth something and that maybe, just a tiny maybe someone could like me. But of course not. It has to be thrown back in my face once again that I will never ever be as good as she is. That nothing I do, nothing I am will ever be on that same level. That once again, I am not the girl to like. I am just the girl to be friends with and told about how wonderful and great the other girl is. Well fine. If that's how it's going to be, fine. Big fat effing FINE.Way to make me not mad at you. Way to go. way to go. I have to get out of here. I cannot sit by and watch the same thing happen while I pretend to be okay. While I sit there and listen and say encouraging things and put on a happy face. I want to just be gone and be in Nashville or wherever it is I am going. I want to be somewhere that no one knows who she is. Somewhere I don't have to worry about if the guy I like will want to be just friends with me and then go after her. I can't do it again. I swear, I cannot. In other news, lately I have been getting so sick of being good all the time. My whole life I've been little miss goody two shoes. never drank. never smoked. never done drugs. never done more than making out. and lately, i want to do it all(well, not the sex part. that I am for sure saving for marriage no matter what). I just want to do something completely opposite of what I have always been. I want to go out with Adam (if he ever asked me.but he probably won't because he knows I am a goody-goody), and if we wound up making out, so what. I want to get drunk. I don't want to smoke cause that is nasty. Well, I sorta want to get high just to see what it's like. But I won't. Why? Because I am me. Little goody Christian Jesus girl. Not that it's a bad thing. Infact, I am happy I am sometimes. But right now I am not. Especialy after tonight. I just want to do something "bad". But like I said, I won't. I'm a wuss and I'll always be that way. | | |
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